Your Pets Daily - Blue Cross Pet Loss Support

Pet Remembrance Day (8 September)- how parents can support their children through pet loss

Katie Court — Sat, 10 Aug 2024 11:00:00 +0000

While many of us know just how heart wrenching losing a pet can be, for children it can be a deeply traumatic and life-changing time as it’s “one of the first major losses in the family a child is most likely to encounter”, says the UK’s leading expert on pet loss, Diane James.

This year, leading pet charity, Blue Cross celebrates its 30th year of their national pet loss helpline, which has helped more than 20,000 people come to terms with losing a pet, either through death, theft or if they’ve gone missing.

In a recent survey, the charity found that over 50% of people surveyed found it incredibly difficult to explain the loss of a pet to a child, and nearly 80% of 16–24-year-olds had experienced some form of pet loss, often being when they went off to university having grown up with the pet throughout most of their childhood.

Lisa, and son Noah, age 6 lost both family dogs 8 weeks apart

Lisa Matthews’s son, Noah, was just five years old when the family lost their beloved dogs, x and x last year, within just eight weeks of each other. Speaking of the heartbreaking experience, Lisa said:

“We lost our beautiful Bulldog, Bramble, when she was just four and a half years old due to a suspected brain tumour – it was so sudden and unexpected. Our little boy Noah has been around animals since he was born and although we lost our gorgeous cats some years ago, he was too young to remember so this was his first real experience of pet loss. It was really important that we were honest with Noah so he came to the vets with us to say our goodbyes, and Noah understood that she was poorly so had to go to Heaven.

“In the days and weeks following, Noah asked us questions and there were lots of tears, especially at night time, because he missed Bramble so much. He kept asking to bring her back from Heaven and said how he wanted to see her again, but we had to explain that this wasn’t possible. Then, just eight weeks later, we lost our Frenchie, Barley, due to a known heart condition. In some ways, losing them so close together made it a little easier for Noah to understand because he knew that he had gone to be with Bramble, and now they could look after each other.

“We have both of our dog’s ashes at home and Noah knows that they are there because we always talk about them both with him. We also have a digital photo frame that has so many wonderful memories of our time together, and he looks at the pictures and asks about them often. Sometimes, he still cries but we have made sure that he knows it’s ok to feel sad and that he can miss them”.

Alice, 17 was left heartbroken when her pets died and was offered help

Alice Ballard, now 17 years old, experienced her first pet loss when she was just 12 years old. She found that some of her school friends struggled to understand why she was so sad, so with the support of her mum, Lynn, she turned to Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support Service for advice. She said

“I had not long started secondary school when I lost my Guinea Pig, Pepsi - she was my first pet and I adored her but my friends didn’t fully understand why I was so upset. I was devastated at the time as this was my first experience of pet loss and I still remember the pain so vividly now. In that same year, my cat Merton, which we had had since I was a baby, was hit by a car and again, I was heartbroken and confused. I asked my mum if I could attend the euthanasia and she let me and I’m still really glad I went, even though it was so hard. I remember the vet lighting a candle and giving us a leaflet about the Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support Service, which included advice for children. At first I was nervous about calling them so I decided to contact them via email and it really helped to learn that everything I was feeling was normal as well as suggesting ways to remember my beloved pets – I wrote down all of my feelings and we went on to dig a grave where we planted some beautiful flowers and wrote a poem to remember both pets by. I would recommend anyone who needs support to contact them, knowing now that they also do webchat is even better for younger people, like me”.

Radio DJ and TV presenter, Kate Lawler speaks about her beloved pets after speaking with Blue Cross’ experts on pet loss

Earlier this week, radio DJ,TV presenter and former Big Brother winner, Kate Lawler, met with Diane James, the UK’s leading expert in pet loss at a Blue Cross Animal Hospital in London, to find out more about how the charity supports parents and children to come to terms with losing their beloved pets.

As a mum to three-year-old daughter, Noa, and dog mum to Shirley who is a cross-breed between a Lurcher, Yorkshire Terrier, Chihuahua and Staffie, and Border Terrier Baxter, Lawler explained that she recently came close to having to have a conversation with Noa about loss, when elderly Baxter suddenly became very poorly with pancreatitis earlier this summer. Kate said:

“I have had multiple trips to the vets over the years but I have never seen the work that goes on behind the scenes, and it was absolutely fascinating to see just how much the teams do every single day to keep our beloved pets healthy and safe.

“My dogs are like my children and my little girl, Noa, has never known a life without them. With my Baxter being elderly and having had a scare with his health recently, I have been preparing her for the day he has to cross the rainbow bridge, and so it was very insightful to speak to Diane. She suggested tips on how to prepare Noa for the inevitable time, such as creating a memory box filled with beautiful keepsakes or making a teddy bear using one of his blankets which I think are such lovely ideas to keep a pet’s memory alive and help children to understand the concept of loss”.

Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support Service is run by a team of trained volunteers who support people through all forms of pet loss including death, missing pets, theft, rehoming and more. It can be accessed via a free and confidential helpline, email and webchat, and provides support 365 days a year, including Christmas Day, between 8.30am-8.30pm.

If you would like support with the loss of a pet, or to find out more about becoming a volunteer for Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support Service, visit www.bluecross.org.uk/pls where you will find more information, resources and contact details.

Nearly half of UK pet owners suffer in silence following the loss of a pet

Katie Court — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 12:00:00 +0000

Nearly half of UK pet owners have felt they have had to suffer in silence after losing a pet, with just 52% saying they would feel comfortable reaching out for support, a survey by national pet charity Blue Cross has found.

The survey of 2,000 owners found just 50% were open to discussing the loss of a pet with family or friends, while less than 40% felt they could open up to their employer. Most (81%) felt they couldn’t request time off work to grieve; with 67% believing it is important for employers to offer support following the loss of a pet.

Michelle Weller said she found it difficult to talk to anyone who understood the pain she was going through following the loss of her beloved Springer Spaniel Bailey.

For nine years, they had shared an unbreakable bond, but Michelle’s world fell apart when he passed away suddenly in 2022 after collapsing while out on a walk.

The 48-year-old nurse from Wiltshire, who has two grown up children, said: “Nothing prepares you for losing your best friend.

“Bailey brought me such happiness and laughter and was the reason I got up every morning. Wherever I went, he was with me for nine years. I was distraught at his loss.

“People didn’t get it. They would say ‘he’s just a dog and you’ll get another one’ but (following his death) I’d go in a room and, when he wasn’t there, I’d almost have a panic attack. When I went to pick up Bailey’s ashes from the vets, I absolutely broke down.”

Fortunately, the vet gave Michelle the details of Pet Loss Support at national pet charity Blue Cross when she went to collect Bailey’s ashes, and it was the vital lifeline she needed.

“When I phoned the (Pet Loss Support helpline) for the first time, I didn’t speak for the first hour, I just sobbed,” Michele said.

“The lovely person on the end of the phone just listened. I felt so bad because I couldn’t talk but she told me to take my time. It was as if someone had given me a massive hug. She took me out of that dark place I was in, and just listened. It was a hug in a phone call.”

This year Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support (PLS) team is marking 30 years of helping pet owners through any type of pet loss. In 2023 PLS helped more than 20,000 people through the free and confidential helpline, email and webchat, which provides support 365 days a year, including Christmas Day.

Michelle is not alone in not knowing services like PLS exist. Despite the fact that 57% per cent of UK households own a pet, just 23% of owners know that support is out there for when you lose your beloved companion. PLS offers a lifeline of support to those coming to terms with any type of pet loss.

Grieving for the loss of a pet can be a sad and difficult experience. Life once filled with the love and friendship of a pet, may suddenly seem very empty and result in feelings of deep sadness and loneliness. People can also struggle if a pet has gone missing or been stolen, or they have been forced to leave their pet behind after a break-up or had to make the heart wrenching decision to rehome a pet due to a change in their circumstances.

Diane James, Head of Pet Loss Support at Blue Cross, said: “We’re a nation of pet lovers but we often struggle to talk about our emotions when it involves the loss of a beloved pet - even with family and friends. It can be a distressing, confusing and lonely time.

“No-one should have to endure the pain of losing a pet alone and PLS is here to hold people’s hand when they need it most through all types of pet loss.”

The charity also supports employers which offer bereavement leave to employees following the loss of a pet.

Diane adds: “We’d urge employers to be considerate of the devastating impact the loss of a pet can have, and to consider have procedures in place to allow time for owners to come to terms with their loss.”

If you need support, you can reach out to the team at Blue Cross Pet Loss Support at bluecross.org.uk/PLS

Tips for dealing with the loss of a pet

You are normal - Some may not understand how upsetting the loss of a pet can be, and can make you feel you’re overreacting. You should not feel ashamed of your emotions, and the grieving process can’t be forced or sped along. Be patient with yourself. Understand that what and how you are feeling is perfectly normal.

Don’t ignore pain - bottling up your feelings will only make matters worse in the long run. To heal, you need to actively face your grief. Don’t be afraid to show your emotions. It’s okay to cry or feel angry, after all you have lost someone very special and dear to you. Don’t be hard on yourself if some days are more difficult than others. There will be events that trigger your grief. These can be places you often went to, or the date of your pet’s arrival or their birthday. Support from others will help, and when you are ready, make these days a celebration of that unconditional love you shared.

Open up - talking about your feelings and your pet can really help. Reach out to family and friends, especially if they knew your pet, or if you need a confidential ear you can reach out to a charity like Blue Cross which provides a Pet Loss Support service. Trained volunteers provide support through a free and confidential helpline or if it’s easier you can use their email or webchat service to write down how you feel.

Holding a funeral for your pet can help you and your family openly express how you are feeling. If you choose to cremate your pet, you may want to keep the ashes in a special casket or bury them in a special place such as their favourite spot in the garden.

Memorialising our pets is an important part of the grieving process. Some ways to remember and celebrate their lives include writing poems or letters to your pet, painting pictures and making models, making a scrapbook with photographs or a memory box, volunteering or sponsoring in your pets’ memory.

With the increasing demand for Blue Cross pet welfare services, the charity needs the support of animal lovers to continue its work helping pets and their people, in any way they can. Whether that’s by donating to keep rehoming and veterinary services going through these tough times, fundraising for Blue Cross, providing foster care for pets while loving new homes are found, volunteering at pet food banks, or signing up to support Blue Cross campaigns for better pet welfare. www.bluecross.org.uk

Your Pets Daily - Blue Cross Pet Loss Support

Pet Remembrance Day (8 September)- how parents can support their children through pet loss

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Nearly half of UK pet owners suffer in silence following the loss of a pet

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